HAPPY HALLOWEEN FROM THE DARK LORD BUNNYKINS!

NSFW! FLESHLIGHT PROMISES ADULT TRICKS AND TREATS FOR HALLOWEEN

Sex toy company Fleshlight is getting into the Halloween spirit  with the release of their Fleshlight Freaks series. Available in five different models — The Cyborg, The Alien, The Drac,The Frankenstein and The Zombie — the Fleshlights and Fleshjacks are certain to raise your spirits this holiday season.

LOOKING BOO-TIFUL: OPI UNLEASHES

OPI celebrates the best day of the year — Halloween, obviously — with the release of the the Spook-ettes mini-pack ($16.95 CAN) and the Pair’em Scare’em duo pack ($20.95 CAN) . Available at professional salons and spas, Spook-ettes includes four mini lacquers: He’s My Boo (orange), Mummy Knows Best (white), I Only Date Werewolves (black) and Zom-Body to Love (glow-in-the-dark green), as well as free nail decals.

From the press release: “The Pair’em Scare’em duo pack will bring Zom-Body to Love and OPI’s bestselling Black Shatter together in a hair-raising pair. Inspired by graffiti art, Shatter leaves behind a crackled, two-texture finish when painted over completely dry OPI nail lacquer. Paint Shatter over two coats of Zom-Body to Loveand add a top coat for a one-of-a-kind, glow-in-the-dark manicure.”

Spook-ettes pack

Glow Shatter

ROB ZOMBIE, PART 2: ROB TALKS ABOUT “THE LORDS OF SALEM”

In Part 2 of my interview with Rob Zombie, Rob discusses working with FX wizard Wayne Toth on his upcoming film The Lords of Salem and the film’s origins.

You’ll be filming Lords of Salem soon, and Wayne Toth, who worked on both Halloween films and House of 1000 Corpses, is doing your FX on that show. Can we expect some sick practical effects work?

Yeah, Wayne’s already started working. There’s a lot of effects so there’s a very long lead time so he started way ahead of everybody else. Yeah, he’s come up with some crazy shit, man, I’ll tell you that much.

EXCLUSIVE! ROB ZOMBIE TALKS NEW TOUR + DRUMMER

The DLB recently spoke with multitasking mad man Rob Zombie about numerous subjects, including his upcoming summer tour, new drummer Ginger Fish, working with friend and comedian Tom Papa, and his next film, The Lords of Salem. Here is is updating us on the tour and Fish. Look for more Part 2 of our conversation soon.

You’re touring Europe soon and then North America with Slayer and Exodus. Is that the best way to spend the summer?

Well, I don’t know if it’s the best way, but it seems to be the only way. That’s the way every summer seems to pan out. Last summer I spent all summer touring with Korn on the Mayhem Tour so I guess it wouldn’t be a summer if I wasn’t losing some hearing.

THE HALLOWEEN PARTY TO ATTEND: RUE MORGUE’S CEREMONIA SATANICA

Just a reminder that the Halloween party to attend in Toronto this weekend is Rue Morgue Magazine‘s Ceremonia Satanica.  Among the fearful festivities…

INSIDIOUS (AND INSIPID) CINEMA: THE CARETAKER

The Caretaker himself! Dig the deadly fruit picker.

THE CARETAKER

Starring Andrew St. John, James Immekus and Jennifer Tilly

Directed by Bryce Olson

Written by Jackie Olson

MPI Media

Death by grapefruit is probably one of the more ignominious ways to go in a horror film, and that’s exactly what happens to one of the victims of The Caretaker, a movie killer not likely to remembered beyond the agonizing 82 minutes it takes this execrable piece of trash to play out.

Let’s be clear: bad movies can be fun. Plan 9 From Outer Space, Horror of Party Beach, any of the Mystery Science Theatre flicks (with commentary)… Bad can be good. But bad can also be boring, and The Caretaker is boring.

Early victim, gratuitously nude.

The very thin story starts with a group of teens (played of course by twenty-somethings) skipping out on their school’s Halloween dance in favour of a limo ride up to the abandoned caretaker’s house in the local grapefruit orchard. Legend has it, the boys tell the girls, that the jealous caretaker chained his wife up in the house, even going so far as to kill her family when they tried to intervene. A baby was born and mother escaped with child, only to be chased down by her crazed husband… who was never caught.

You see where this is going, right? The Caretaker arrives to mow down the “teens” one by one, until only a final girl is left. But there’s a twist ending that throws us all for a loop. Fade out.

It's not our fault if the studio's promo pix give away the plot!

How The Caretaker got made is beyond me. Oh wait. No doubt the producers secured funds by casting Hollywood vets Judd Nelson (The Breakfast Club) and Jennifer Tilly (Bound) in thankless supporting roles. Throw in a little gratuitous nudity and some very coy, near bloodless kills and you’ve got an inoffensive slasher that barely has the balls to call itself a horror film. The identity of The Caretaker is telegraphed early on, and only Tilly’s carefree performance (and bountiful cleavage) merits a rise in our pulse rate.

Rating: 1/5

TERRIFYING TUESDAYS: HALLOWEEN 2: UNRATED DIRECTOR’S CUT

HALLOWEEN 2: UNRATED DIRECTOR’S CUT

Starring Scout Taylor-Compton, Tyler Mane and Malcolm McDowell

Written and directed by Rob Zombie

Alliance Home Entertainment

Scout Taylor-Compton as Laurie Strode

Thank Satan I did not see Halloween 2 in theatres. Every friend and fiend I know shat on it, not entirely surprising given the enmity that met writer/director Rob Zombie’s ill-advised first Halloween film – an enmity I wholly endorsed. Zombie’s rethink of the John Carpenter classic seemed a travesty, from its attempts to explain Michael Myers’ madness to his clumsy telescoping of the original’s plot into his film’s final act. I rarely boo a film, but I did that night in that theatre back in 2007.

But Halloween 2… It’s a good horror movie. Hell, it’s a good movie. Let’s be straight: this is the “unrated director’s cut” of which I speak. Even Zombie, on his commentary track, bemoans his truncated filming and editing schedule, and the studio’s insistence on an ending that left room for a sequel – a sequel of which, I might add, Zombie has washed his hands. This is Rob Zombie’s preferred version, and it’s both bloody and bloody good.

As to plot, Michael (Tyler Mane) is dead… except of course he’s not, and the body has disappeared. Two years later, we find his sister Laurie (Scout Taylor-Compton) is scarred and traumatized. So is her best friend Annie (Danielle Harris). Instead of bringing them together, Michael’s assault has created a rift which is pulling them apart, despite their living under the same roof with Annie’s dad, Sheriff Brackett (Brad Dourif), whose life is unravelling.

Dr. Loomis (Malcolm McDowell), meanwhile, has written a tell-all book that exploits his association with Michael – a book that also reveals Laurie’s family relation to Michael and sends her further down a path towards self-destruction. Always moving closer is Michael himself, prompted by visions of his mother (Sheri Moon Zombie). A family reunion is inevitable.

Tyler Mane as Michael Myers

Watching Halloween II with Mrs. DLB, I asked her thoughts about the film. “Slow and stupid” was her comment, half an hour in. By the end, though, we turned to each other and agreed that Zombie’s attempts to build both suspense and character had worked. The relationship between Annie and Laurie is given room to breathe, and its decay is wrenching. Taylor-Compton is especially convincing as a regular girl whose life has been completely shattered. Even Zombie’s controversial decision to unmask Michael (and give him a word of dialogue) makes sense within the idea that this is a totally different version of the Halloween world. John Carpenter’s movie is still there up on my shelf, safe and sound.

The key extra on this disc is Zombie’s commentary. A lucid, smart man, he explains the differences between the theatrical version and this, his preferred version. Even he has reservations about the version that the studio put out, and while that may be self-serving apology, it makes me grateful that I never saw it.

Deborah Myers (Sheri Moon Zombie) and son Michael (Chase Varek)

Overall, this version is haunted, emotionally true and far more intimate (apparently) than what audiences have previously seen. Rather than being Rob Zombie’s worst film (at least as rated on the IMDb), Halloween 2 turns out to be his best.

Rating: 3.5/5

NEW INTERVIEW: FLORENCE + THE MACHINE ON JENNIFER’S BODY, VAMPS AND WEREWOLVES

British buzz act Florence + The Machine’s ‘Kiss With A Fist’ had a prominent place in the recent Diablo Cody-written horror film Jennifer’s Body. Here is Florence Welch talking about the idea of wanting to devour the one you love (which also inspired her song ‘Howl’), Halloween, and her childhood belief in vampires and werewolves:

GOODBYE, HALLOWEEN!